I was never a big fan of alcohol and had never tasted it, until a few days ago. (Still not very fond of alcohol.)

One fine day, I had made plans for a movie with a few friends and was in the middle of the movie when I received a call from our dear friend, Sardarji.

“Hello? Make it quick bro, I’m in the middle of a movie.”

“Yeah, reach The Hidden Place by 1600 hours.”

“Where the hell is that?”

He’d already cut the call. The movie got over and I went looking for The Hidden Place.

Apparently, this place was so hidden that it took me quite a while to find this pub. Opening the door to the pub, I found our Sardarji chugging beer like lassi from a desi cow.

“Baap re baap.”

“Aiiie Bhaaai! Kaisa hai? Long time!”

“We just had lunch together.”

“Oh yeah! Hahahaha.”

Was he drunk? I don’t know.

I then met this Guy who is one of the coolest person I’ve ever come across. And sitting on the the table was another friend, lets call him Junior. Can’t give out names, you see.

“What’ll you have?” Sardarji asked.

“The usual. Vodka Martini. Shaken. Not stirred.”

Back to reality. “I’ll have one glass of pepsi please.”

“Try Sprite.” And he went to the bar to give an order. Something is fishy. Sprite? Achanak se? He knows I drink only coke. And pepsi. And lemonade. And horlicks. And coffee. And.. chappal from mum. And gaali also….. Lets not get in there.

Meanwhile, my friend Junior had his head down on the table and was fast asleep.I tried waking him up and to my surprise he was speaking in third person.

“Junior cannot sit straight anymore.”

“Junior is seeing five five Dhruv’s. Haen haen haen haen!”

“Junior is the coolest guy around!”

“Junior cannot drink anymore. Junior already has already had seven shots. Junior will die.”

Okay. He is surely drunk. I was having the time of my life! Laughing my guts out at Junior! Poor guy.

My sprite arrived and buffalo wings arrived. (Buffalo wings are chicken wings, I don’t know why have they named it so but who cares they were tasty.)

The buffalo wings were great. But something was wrong with the Sprite. It tasted like Sprite but was certainly not Sprite.

I was furious. It was like you made a Hindu eat beef. A Jain being forced to eat potatoes. Hahaha. Lol. Sorry.

Yeah, where was I. Yes. I was absolutely furious! “What the pug is this,man?”

“Arre bhai, its just apple flavour.Just shut up and drink this. Don’t piss me now.”

“What the…” I couldn’t even argue with that drunk idiot. I guess I didn’t tell you before, this guy is a State Level Boxer and would start boxing people after getting a little tripsy. I’ve been on the receiving end once and remember getting hit in the solar plexis and struggling to breathe afterwards. Okay. Not going to argue with him now.He excused us and went to the loo. There was my chance! I woke up Junior.

“Oye, BC tell me if this shit is mixed or not? I’ll beat your drunk ass if you don’t tell me the truth.”

“Junior swear don’t know anything.”

This guy was too wasted to even to talk to, what would he even know about my drink being mixed.

This is when THE GUY came to my rescue and drank the rest of the drink for me.

By this time, my head was throbbing a little and I felt a little uneasy. As if I was getting a headache. My friends said that I was laughing a little too much. Bullshit. I don’t think so!

My point is, I’m not a huge fan of alcohol. I’m a simple guy who likes his Pepsi and doodh mixed with Horlicks or Bournvita. I have nothing against people who drink. One should learn to be in their limits. I found nothing too extraordinary in Vodka? In fact, it tasted bitter! One should learn to be in control. Why does someone need to get intoxicated in order to have fun? Why does someone need to out of their senses to have fun? I didn’t really understand that. Absolutely no offence against those who do.

Meanwhile, enjoy.

But.. err.. be responsible!

Cheers!

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2 thoughts on “The First and the Last Time.

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